Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
