Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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