remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I need a beard to bite.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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