This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize