I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
