Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
