Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Randomize
