Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
