I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
