It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
