hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
