yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Randomize
