he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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