I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
