Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize