True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
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