I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
