But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Randomize
