Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

Sorry Jjaro hasn't picked any favorites yet.

ADVERTISEMENT

(603): View more from New Hampshire

You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?

Fav 7 2563 817
share tweet
(570): View more from Pennsylvania

i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something

Fav 28 8042 2165
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(203): View more from Connecticut

So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"

Fav 7 5645 1937
share tweet
(989): View more from Michigan

you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin

Fav 3 3332 1344
share tweet
(402): View more from Nebraska

You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.

Fav 2 722 1348
share tweet
(434): View more from Virginia

I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.

Fav 6 2540 758
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(843): View more from South Carolina

Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.

Fav 5 581 1409
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(425): View more from Washington

I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now

Fav 0 106 95
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(630): View more from Illinois

He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars

Fav 0 59 9
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT