I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
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