I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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