Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
