Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
