oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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