So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
