So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
