a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
