apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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