I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
