Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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