im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Just high enough for therapy.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
