I'm sorry my penis didn't work
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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