i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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