how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
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