no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
