she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
