woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
