not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
worst night to have a conscience
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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