After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Randomize
