dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
