And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Randomize
