so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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