the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
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his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
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I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.