I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?