he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
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im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
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Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.