Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
These 23 Kids Have The Most Overbearing Parents Imaginable
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.