I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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