I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.