I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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