Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
God, you're like boner-b-gone
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
