I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
