do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
