we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
