considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
