1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
