I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
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