Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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