Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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