I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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