So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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