Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
