Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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