so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
