I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
