I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
