My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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