well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
