I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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