No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
