i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize