My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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