just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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