this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
fuck your aforementioned shoe
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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