Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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