best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
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