im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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