Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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